Updated: May 22
I don't know about you, but there have been a lot of changes that have been rocking my world lately. In the past these changes may have triggered something inside of me that would result in anxiety, anger, fear, uncertainty, all jumbled into one making for an amazing ball of stress that I could feel in my body and heart. This would make the way I operated in the world not exactly great, I would be irritable, cranky, angry and all around not very fun to be around. The thing was, I had a hard time pinpointing what was wrong with me, all I knew was that I was sad and mad. What I realize now that at the basis of all of those emotions was one thing, Fear. It was the fear of the uncertainty, of the unknown, of instability. Something has happened to me over the years though, through a series of various crises’ in my life, I have learned how to cope using the power of Love. You can call it whatever you want, God, Love, Cosmic Consciousness, the Divine, Spirit, it's all the same thing. Once I began to live as though this were a living, breathing, active force in my life, I learned how to trust that there is something greater at work in this universe, something greater than myself and any of us. It's a force of love that, if one is able to open to this force, can allow it to transform and take over our entire lives.
The western world as has been operating the past 200 years or so has a lot to do with this concept of “manifest destiny”, the idea that we have the power as individuals to manifest the lives we want, and live out the highest destiny for ourselves. This is a beautiful idea, and one that at the time was an evolution in consciousness, putting the persons destiny in their own hands versus that of a landlord, king, or boss. This has created the world we live in today, it has created the very fabric of the American work ethic, that being that if you work hard enough for whatever it is that you desire, you can attain it. This is connected to the ‘protestant work ethic’ which basically deems someone worthy in the eyes of God if they do work themselves to the bone. All of these ideas formed this very YANG (active, energetic, outward, fiery, external) energy that capitalism is founded upon. Yet, where we currently are at in this time in history is we have been in excess of this kind of energy for too long.
In the Yin/Yang symbol, the ultimate balance and health is met when both of the energies are met in harmony and balance. This is the central tenet of Taoism, and of mother nature herself, when we are not in balance, we out of harmony and that is when dis-ease begins to develop. We are living in a dis-eased culture that emphasizes the importance of Yang energies over Yin. There is a recalibration happening now that is reintegrating Yin energies. This is how the health of our planet will come back into balance.
When we are living a life that is driven by the ideal that we create our reality as long as we work and push and do as much as we can, we completely forget the hidden, energetic, subtle and internal energies that are needed to counterbalance this energy. When we are living in this Yang way, all of life's responsibilities are on our shoulders. We are completely responsible for everything in life. This can be a great way to live if things are going really well for someone. They feel great about themselves and their ego or idea of who they are in this world feels very good to them. Yet when things go wrong, or there are changes that are unexpected and/or uncertain this way of living can become like its own little internal hell. That is because when we are living from this place of the self and only the self, we don't have anything or anyone to turn to for support in trying times. This is where so much anxiety, anger, fear, desperation, addiction, all manifest in ones life. When they feel overwhelmed with the responsibilities and pressure of having to “handle it all.” This is what the mid-life crisis is all about for men and women.
What I am here to tell you today, is that there is another way of living that is outside of this paradigm, outside of this pressure, and outside of this ego-based existence. I'm not judging anyone if they have been operating this way for the majority of their lives, there is nothing in our culture that has taught us otherwise. Religion can assist in moving one toward a feeling of deeper support, but religion is based inside of a deeply dysfunctional patriarchal system that favors Yang masculine energy as well. It's a world of judgement and right and wrong and a world where you have to act a certain way in order to be deemed worthy in the eyes of God. It's a lot of pressure to rise up to these ideals, and often times religion just makes people feel worse about themselves because they are unable to meet the 50,000 rules that are put upon them in order to be a “good” person in the eyes of ”God.”
This is not what I am talking about here today. What I am talking about is the cultivation of a spiritual life, separate from religion and science. What this is, is a cultivation of the YIN energies, that of patience, quiet, internal, still, soft, intuitive feelings. Through a few different teachers of mine, I have learned to operate differently in the world. And it is based on this idea of a Wild Trust, simply by saying the phrase, “I Trust.”
When we begin to open to the idea that this entire universe is and of itself love incarnate. And we are parts and pieces of that love. We are channels of being that the universe works through. This is very different than the idea that we are bending our will and making the universe bow to our commands. You see, when you have the deep belief and understanding that this universe contains the great mystery including all the goodness and beauty that resides within us all; when you begin to realize that this Love is all around us, and we are in fact this LOVE, something begins to happen. It alters one's consciousness and offers a level of support that most of us are not at all used to having. When you let go of the father-figure type God that is watching your every move right and wrong, and open instead to a living, breathing, multidimensional love that emanates every single thing in this universe, you can start to feel that we are all supported by something much greater than we can ever fathom.
This is what happened to me. I was raised without religion but not really raised with anything else in its place, yet I have always been a seeker. After years of trying to annihilate my ego, I've realized its not my egos fault for wanting things in this world, it's simply a deficiency of Yin energy. I have always been someone that when she sees something, she goes out and gets it. I have a lot of Yang energy. But this has created enough periods in my life where when I don't get what I want, I lose my shit emotionally. I hit a point in my own evolution where I realized I didn't want to live like that any longer. I feel like when you hit enough breaking points in your life, that is when the deep transformation happens. And this was when I let go of the “manifesting mindset” that which tries to bend the will of the universe to meet my needs, and instead opened myself up to allowing the universe to work through me instead of for me. When I began to realize that this is a way of living where you work in harmony with Spirit instead of against it, my life became so MUCH EASIER.
I'm not saying learning to operate in this way is easy in and of itself, its basically against everything we have been taught as the American way. Yet, as consciousness on this planet is evolving and the darkness and the light are becoming more intensified, this way of being represents an emerging paradigm that I believe is what will rebalance the energies of the planet and create great healing.
Learning to open ourselves to a deeper, primordial wisdom that resides within ourselves is what will rebalance the scales and allow for a deeper harmony on the planet and amongst the humans on it.
Two words that can start this for anyone that is going through changes and feeling uncertain, scared, angry, anxious etc, are I TRUST. What is that you trust in exactly? You trust that the more you open yourself up to this deeper knowing of this pulsing love that emanates everything, and believe in its presence and power, the more you begin to surrender control of what the small-self thinks it is handling. Once we begin to allow for this force of wild love to enter our lives, we begin to offer it all of our problems, anxieties, and fears. I personally pray to this force of love as the highest source of all that is good, all that is holy, and all that is love on this planet. It is the infinite spirit of oneness that emanates all. This is a living force in my life, and when I am going through a particularly hard time, I offer all my worries to this source of love. When I do that, I say, “I Trust.” What I trust is that this love that has my best interests, that has a divine and holy plan orchestrated for me in my life, will handle this way better than my small human self could ever do. I give it back to this source of love and when I do that, I let go.
Energy no matter how it travels cannot travel through a tense, tight, grasping space. When we are trying to control things, we grasp and cling and hold onto, because we think that is what will make us safe. What is the truth is that the more that we can learn to let go, and offer ourselves and our lives back to this love, we allow this emanating energy to work through us and create something even more miraculous than us, ourselves could have even imagined. My teacher Tosha Silver has taught me how to do this, and since I started living in this way, my life has completely transformed. I am more in line with that which I am meant to be doing on the planet. That is why I am writing this right now, because as I was meditating this morning these words “I Trust” kept coming to me, and I saw myself writing this. Its like I was guided by something greater because I allowed myself to open up to its flow. There is a natural, emanating flow that guides everything in this universe and it is up to us to align ourselves with this flow. How we align is we open ourselves, offer it all back, and Trust that it is getting taken care of.
This trusting process can be very painful because we are essentially letting go of something that we think we want and or need to feel good. I have spent many nights crying at my altar offering and letting go of that which I thought was what I wanted. I came to realize days, sometimes weeks or months later that something I could have never even imagined came to me in its place. This is alignment with the universe, this is Wild Trust.